if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
