In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
