two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
