I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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