Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
