Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
