How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
