Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
