Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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