She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
