I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
