Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
