her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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