My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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