I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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