They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
