I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
