Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
