There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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