I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
