I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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