No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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