The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
