i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
