well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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