he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
tell me about the fingering
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