I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
