I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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