Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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