Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
