Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
