They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
