Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
