my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize