I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your cock deserves a montage
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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