Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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