What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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