you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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