I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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