We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
