Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
