i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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