bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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