I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
