I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
