I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
