Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
