ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Be still, my beating vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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