how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
