Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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