"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
