I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
