And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
