New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
