If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize