how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
