first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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