There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
