I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
handjob tips. give me some.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
